The Office has proved to be a show that ages like fine wine. Since the series finale in 2013, the mockumentary style sitcom has only grown in popularity and continues to be binge watched around the world. With so many new fans, The Office has provoked a new conversation among its cult following: what are the best Michael Scott quotes? We were wondering the same thing. So we did our homework and compiled a list of the 25 best quotes from the inimitable world’s best boss Michael Scott.
Best Michael Scott Wayne Gretzky Quote
1. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. - Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott
Michael Scott Wayne Gretzky Quote
"While it may not be a verbal quote, this '100 of the shots you don't take' Michael Scott quote (originally Wayne Gretzky) is the best way he could fire up his two employees of his brand new paper co. As long as you write your name at the end of the quote, does it really matter who said it first? Thanks for the motivation Michael… and Wayne Gretzky.
Best Michael Scott Quotes of All Time
2. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need like my need to be praised.”
Michael Scott Quotes About Work
This one's in the pantheon of funny office quotes. Few quotes sum up the complexities of Michael’s needs more than this one. Whatever the situation or conflict might be, it can almost always be traced back to this need. His conference room characters, fun runs, and copious amounts of office parties are all aimed at his need to be praised.
Best Michael Scott Misquotes
3. “That has sort of an oak-y afterbirth.”
Michael’s Misquotes
After a sip of wine during the notorious “Dinner Party” episode, Michael attempts to be a wine connoisseur with this remark. Jim’s look right after sums up all of our reactions. Surely, it is one of his best misquotes… and don’t call me surely.
The Office Quotes
4. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information.”
Michael Scott Wikipedia Quote
Nothing is better than the level of confidence Michael has in the negotiation tactics he looks up on Wikipedia. In fact, maybe Wikipedia is the source of Michael's managerial brilliance. To Michael’s defense, aren’t we all guilty of this same mentality? We know we are. Keep on Wikipedia-ing, Michael.
Best Michael Scott Quotes Ever
5. “I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.”
Funny Michael Scott Quotes
To get a return call from CFO David Wallace, Michael texts him 911. To Wallace’s dismay, the “emergency” Michael was calling about was Toby Flenderson back in the office. Maybe it wasn’t an emergency to Wallace, but to Michael it was the worst thing that could ever happen.
Michael Scott Quotes List
6. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.”
Michael Scott Early Bird Quote
Early day in the office for the temp, Ryan Howard, means bringing in a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit for Michael who is also early to the office because he is an early bird and is already hungry because… he has worms. Ryan the temp heads back to his car for a nap until work starts. We on the other hand would’ve taken Michael’s offer up on enjoying the empty office.
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Best Michael Scott Quotes
7. "I… Declare…. Bankruptcy!"
He Knows a Lot About Money
When Michael faces financial troubles he takes advice from the office sage, Creed Bratton, to declare bankruptcy or as Creed puts it “nature’s do over.” In what could be the only way to interpret declaring bankruptcy, Michael exclaims the words in the office.
If only it were that easy Michael... if only.
All Time Best Michael Scott Quotes
8. “It is St. Patrick's Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”
Michael Scott Christmas Quotes about St. Patrick’s Day
In what should be (and probably is) on a few St. Patrick’s Day cards, Michael explains how big St. Patrick’s Day is in Scranton. After Jo, the company’s CEO, uses passive aggressiveness to have the office work late, Michael takes a stand so that they can enjoy Scranton’s favorite holiday.
The Best Michael Scott Quotes from The Office
9. “It’s Britney, bitch.”
Michael Scott Inspirational Quotes
Michael Scott pulls up in his PT Cruise with the top down, blasting Lady Gaga. After leaving Dunder Mifflin to start his own paper company, these are the perfect three words to describe his mood. Who would we be to expect anything less from the great Michael Scott.
List of the Best Michael Scott Quotes
10. “Where are the turtles?!”
Michael Scott Quotes about work
In an attempt to make a point about old sales techniques versus new technology, Michael goes on a gift basket tour, distributing them to potential clients.
When Michael hits rock bottom in the episode, he seeks redemption from one ungrateful gift basket recipient. The only problem is that the basket is missing chocolate turtles.
Best Michael Scott Quotes Ever
11. "You don't know me, you've just seen my penis."
Michael Scott Love Quotes
There is certainly more to Michael Gary Scott than what meets the eye. That is especially true for Pam, who walks in on him changing for the “Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Pro Am Race for the Cure.”
Prison Mike
12. "The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!"
Funny Michael Scott quotes about prison
Among all of the Michael Scott characters, few have made us laugh more than Prison Mike. This is truly one of the greatest Michael Scott Memes ever. In an attempt to scare the office straight from thinking prison is better than Dunder Mifflin, Michael brings in a special guest with first hand experience with imprisonment in... Hogwarts.
The Office Michael Scott Quotes List
13. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
Funny Michael Scott quotes during CPR training
When Stanley Hudson has a heart attack, Michael’s confidence in winging it is put in check. He brings in an expert to teach emergency medical protocol, which ends just as disastrously as you would think with the exception of a break out acapella tune from Michael and Andy, and dance by Kelly Kapoor.
Michael's Final Line
14. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”
Michael Scott Love Quotes
Michael appears on the series finale of The Office to be Dwight’s best man. There are few lines in the greatest Michael from office moments list that hit both as emotionally and hilariously hard as this one. Although he only has a few lines in the whole episode, this may sum up what Michael was feeling after being gone for so long. His other main line in the episode? What other than one of the most heartfelt “That’s what she said” deliveries ever.
The Office Michael Scott Quotes
15. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”
There are few things Michael loves more than jokes and being included. When Jim and his new manager laugh at an inside joke, Michael can only attempt to understand. Despite his exclusion, this episode’s ending ties together the friendship between Michael and Jim perfectly.
Best Michael Scott Quotes About Toby
16. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
How do you express your utmost hatred for someone? Michael finds a way in one of his most memorable anti-Toby quotes. When the office thinks Michael’s gone too far, they brainstorm how it would be possible to kill all three. To everyone's relief but Toby’s, Dwight proves they can.
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Michael Scott Inspirational Quotes
17. "Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown."
When Ed Truck, Michael’s old manager, dies tragically, Michael is appalled at the lack of grief in the office. In one of the more thematically existential episodes of the series, Michael subtly grieves that no one will care if he dies, so he attempts to elicit these emotions with grief counseling. All he gets is a few great movie synopses.
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List of the Best Michael Scott Quotes
18. "You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three."
What happened to strike two? Apparently it does not exist. When it comes to betrayal, Michael has a very low tolerance. In a very Shakesperian tale of loyalty, Michael and Dwight Schrute clash on all fronts in the memorable season 3 episode “Traveling Salesman.”
Funniest Michael Scott Love Quotes
19. "You cheated on me?....When I specifically asked you not to?"
Before there was Holly Flax, there was Jan Levinson. When Michael finds that Jan became pregnant during their relationship, he assumes Jan cheated. To his relief, it was an artificial insemination. This does not, however, stop Michael from involving himself in the pregnancy and inevitably getting invited by Jan to a lamaze class.
Top Michael Scott Quotes
20. “I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
When Michael hits Meredith with his car and Angela’s cat dies, he defers responsibility for his actions to the fact that the office is cursed. Don’t believe it is? Maybe it’s because you’re not at all stitious. To his relief, hitting Meredith with his car actually saves her from suffering from rabies. So it would not be incorrect to say that Michael saved Meredith by hitting her with his car. Classic.
Funny Michael Scott Quotes
21. "Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way."
If only we knew how often Michael starts a sentence this way. When David Wallace asks him how he runs his office so effectively, Michael searches for the answer mid-sentence. The great thing about this quote is that it can be painfully relatable to quite a few people.
The Office Michael Scott Quotes List
22. "I am Beyoncé, always."
After Michael finds that he is the mistress in a love triangle, Andy tries to convince Michael to do the right thing by referencing the movie Obsessed. Firstly, the analogy doesn’t work for Michael. What did Andy get wrong? It doesn’t matter what the context is, Michael is always the queen.
Best Michael Scott Quotes to Burn Toby
23. "I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him."
When Michael fails to realize that Toby has come back from Costa Rica to work in the office again, he pleads to David Wallace for Toby’s removal. Wallace clarifies that he needs reasonable cause to fire him. To Michael, hate is the only cause he needs. To no one’s surprise, but Michael’s, this isn’t a reasonable cause. What is the only next reasonable step? Framing Toby.
Best of Michael Scott’s Quotes from The Office
24. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
The complexities of Michael Scott can be boiled down to this one quote. People may like Michael, but he will not rest until they love him so much that it scares them. Unfortunately, his actions usually only cause the fear part. Needless to say, a lot of his actions make sense when you trace them back to this quote.
All Time Best Michael Scott Quotes
25. “That’s what she said.”
The undisputable best Michael Scott quote of all time cannot be pinned to one scene. You’ve heard it on the show, from your friends, and maybe even your family. Not even corporate, Jan, or lawyers could keep Michael from blurting out his favorite line. Here is a supercut of every “That’s what she said” in The Office, each one classic, yet all it’s own.
Honorable Mentions
Read The Office (U.S.) Pilot Script
But wait, there's more. We all love The Office so much that we haad to include even more.
Inspirational & Motivational
26. “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”
27. “There's no such thing as an appropriate joke, that's why it's a joke.”
28. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things.”
29. “Business is like jazz, if you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.”
30. “Chin up, kiddos! It's not the end of the world; it’s just the end of another day at Dunder Mifflin.”
31. “I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.”
32. “Today I will do absolutely nothing in an attempt to lessen the effect of an otherwise mundane Monday.”
33. “Today I am thinking about accomplishments I will never achieve...and it motivates me to dust things.”
34. "Money isn't everything, but every little bit helps.”
35. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.”
Workplace & Leadership
36. “Leadership is the art of leading others to intentionally accomplish extraordinary things.”
37. “You have to play to win. But you also have to win to play.”
38. “An office is like a family, so I am the mother and the father.”
39. “A boss is like a teacher who wants you to learn and also like a kid at the supermarket who screams until he gets his way.”
40. “I run a tight ship around here where everyone obeys all my rules and they work themselves to the bone in order to impress me.”
41. “Sometimes, leadership is about telling hard truths to a room full of people who don't want to hear them.”
42. “You don't go running to your boss from day one, saying, 'Gossip, gossip, gossip.' You bide your time, until you have a home run performance review.”
43. “An office is not the least family. And often the most family is an office.”
44. “I don’t understand the point of an office that doesn’t revolve entirely around me.”
45. “Under this tough business exterior is a tough business interior.”
Romantic & Relationship Quotes
46. “Holly’s my life; she’s my flu shot.”
47. “You complete me.”
48. “You stole my heart, and I shall now steal yours in return.”
49. “Love is the water of life, drink deeply.”
50. “You make me happy by just standing there.”
51. “Holly's my girl now. She runs right at me. And I make her sway.”
Classic Humor
52. “Any lipperts?”
53. “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”
54. “Well, well, well, how the turntables…”
55. “I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.”
56. “This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here.”
57. “I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.”
58. “Sometimes the end justifies the mean...shelving unit.”
59. “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me.”
60. “There are few things I hate in this world. One thing I do hate: going up on my tiptoes to whisper something.”
Friendship & Family
61. “I am Michael, and I am part of your family.”
62. “Friends are the family you choose for yourself.”
63. “Friends are like coworkers, if I point you to the table, you follow.”
Life Lessons
64. “It’s never goodbye; it’s just see you later.”
65. “Don’t be an idiot.”
66. “Ask my heart: who is my master. It will answer FUNDS!”
67. “Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what.”
68. “Never, ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, at any time, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where.”
The Office (U.S) Pilot script PDF
Read The Office (U.S.) Pilot Script
Explore the script that launched one of the most iconic sitcoms of all time. Read and download the complete pilot episode of The Office (U.S.) and see how the mockumentary style, unforgettable characters, and razor-sharp humor were crafted on the page. Click below to view the full pilot script in PDF format and dive into Michael Scott’s very first day at Dunder Mifflin.
Read and download the entire The Office (U.S.) Pilot script PDF.
The Office Michael Scott Character Quotes
Who is The Office's Michael Scott?
Michael Scott is the well-meaning, often misguided regional manager of Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch on NBC’s The Office. Played by Steve Carell, Michael is desperate to be liked, convinced he’s hilarious, and constantly crossing boundaries and usually with the best intentions and the worst execution.
What makes him such a memorable character is the contradiction: Michael can be painfully awkward and selfish one moment, then unexpectedly kind and sincere the next. Over time, his need for validation softens into real growth, especially in how he treats the people around him (even if he never stops being Michael).
That mix of cringe, chaos, and occasional heart is exactly why his lines became some of the most quoted in sitcom history.
Best Michael Scott Quotes to memorize
Why Michael Scott is the heart of The Office
For all the uncomfortable jokes and secondhand embarrassment, Michael Scott is a big reason The Office works as more than just a workplace comedy. He’s the engine of the show’s chaos, but also the character most likely to surprise you with genuine emotion.
Here’s why his quotes hit so hard (and stick around):
- He says the quiet part out loud. Michael’s confidence is often disconnected from reality, which makes even simple lines land as comedy.
- He’s accidentally insightful. Some of his funniest quotes double as odd little truths about work, friendship, and ego.
- He brings the “mockumentary” style to life. His need to perform for the camera turns everyday office moments into full-on scenes.
- He has real relationships. Whether it’s Jim, Pam, Dwight, or even Toby, Michael’s dynamic with each character creates endless quotable moments.
Quote's from The Office's Michael Scott
Common questions about Michael Scott from The Office
Steve Carell played Michael Scott in NBC’s The Office (U.S.).
Within the story, Michael leaves Scranton to start a new chapter of his life with Holly. His departure becomes a major turning point for the series.
Michael exits the show during Season 7, which is why many fans consider his era the “core” of the series.
Some quotes are popular because they’re absurd, others because they’re surprisingly sincere. A good approach is to pick the quote that best matches the moment you’re referencing (work, motivation, friendship, awkwardness, etc.).
These quotes refer to Michael Scott from the U.S. version of The Office. The U.K. series features David Brent, a different character with a different tone.
UP NEXT
The Office Pilot Script
The entirety of The Office has become original and unique among television shows to this day. With so many unforgettable episodes, like season 7 episode 25, 'Search Committee (Part 1),' or season 2 episode 16, 'Valentine's Day,' fans have no shortage of favorites to choose from. But interestingly enough, the pilot of the show is nearly based word for word on its British counterpart and origin. Check out our breakdown of the screenplay of the pilot episode of The Office and how it holds up today.
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