25 Best Michael Scott Quotes from The Office, Ranked

Best Michael Scott Wayne Gretzky Quote

25. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. - Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott

Best Michael Scott Quotes of All Time

24. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need like my need to be praised.”

Few quotes sum up the complexities of Michael’s needs more than this one. Whatever the situation or conflict might be, it can almost always be traced back to this need. His conference room characters, fun runs, and copious amounts of office parties are all aimed at his need to be praised.

Best Michael Scott Misquotes

23. “That has sort of an oak-y afterbirth.”

After a sip of wine during the notorious “Dinner Party” episode, Michael attempts to be a wine connoisseur with this remark. Jim’s look right after sums up all of our reactions. Surely, it is one of his best misquotes… and don’t call me surely.

The Office Quotes

22. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information.”

Nothing is better than the level of confidence Michael has in the negotiation tactics he looks up on Wikipedia. In fact, maybe Wikipedia is the source of Michael's managerial brilliance. To Michael’s defense, aren’t we all guilty of this same mentality? We know we are. Keep on Wikipedia-ing, Michael.

Best Michael Scott Quotes Ever

21. “I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.”

To get a return call from CFO David Wallace, Michael texts him 911. To Wallace’s dismay, the “emergency” Michael was calling about was Toby Flenderson back in the office. Maybe it wasn’t an emergency to Wallace, but to Michael it was the worst thing that could ever happen.

Michael Scott Quotes List

20. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.”

Early day in the office for the temp, Ryan Howard, means bringing in a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit for Michael who is also early to the office because he is an early bird and is already hungry because… he has worms. Ryan the temp heads back to his car for a nap until work starts. We on the other hand would’ve taken Michael’s offer up on enjoying the empty office.

Best Michael Scott Quotes

19. "I… Declare…. Bankruptcy!"

When Michael faces financial troubles he takes advice from the office sage, Creed, to declare bankruptcy or as Creed puts it “nature’s do over.” In what could be the only way to interpret declaring bankruptcy, Michael exclaims the words in the office.

If only it were that easy Michael... if only.

All Time Best Michael Scott Quotes

18. “It is St. Patrick's Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”

In what should be (and probably is) on a few St. Patrick’s Day cards, Michael explains how big St. Patrick’s Day is in Scranton. After Jo, the company’s CEO, uses passive aggressiveness to have the office work late, Michael takes a stand so that they can enjoy Scranton’s favorite holiday.

The Best Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

17. “It’s Britney, bitch.”

Michael Scott pulls up in his PT Cruise with the top down, blasting Lady Gaga. After leaving Dunder Mifflin to start his own paper company, these are the perfect three words to describe his mood. Who would we be to expect anything less from the great Michael Scott.

List of the Best Michael Scott Quotes

16. “Where are the turtles?!”

In an attempt to make a point about old sales techniques versus new technology, Michael goes on a gift basket tour, distributing them to potential clients.

When Michael hits rock bottom in the episode, he seeks redemption from one ungrateful gift basket recipient. The only problem is that the basket is missing chocolate turtles.

Best Michael Scott Quotes Ever

15. "You don't know me, you've just seen my penis."

There is certainly more to Michael Scott than what meets the eye. That is especially true for Pam, who walks in on him changing for the “Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Pro Am Race for the Cure.”

Prison Mike

14. "The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!"

Among all of the Michael Scott characters, few have made us laugh more than Prison Mike. In an attempt to scare the office straight from thinking prison is better than Dunder Mifflin, Michael brings in a special guest with first hand experience with imprisonment in... Hogwarts.

The Office Michael Scott Quotes List

13. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

When Stanley has a heart attack, Michael’s confidence in winging it is put in check. He brings in an expert to teach emergency medical protocol, which ends just as disastrously as you would think with the exception of a break out acapella tune from Michael and Andy and dance by Kelly.

Michael's Final Line

12. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”

Michael appears on the series finale of The Office to be Dwight’s best man. Although he only has a few lines in the whole episode, this may sum up what Michael was feeling after being gone for so long. His other main line in the episode? What other than one of the most heartfelt “That’s what she said” deliveries ever.

The Office Michael Scott Quotes

11. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”

There are few things Michael loves more than jokes and being included. When Jim and his new manager laugh at an inside joke, Michael can only attempt to understand. Despite his exclusion, this episode’s ending ties together the friendship between Michael and Jim perfectly.

Best Michael Scott Quotes About Toby

10. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

How do you express your utmost hatred for someone? Michael finds a way in one of his most memorable anti-Toby quotes. When the office thinks Michael’s gone too far, they brainstorm how it would be possible to kill all three. To everyone's relief but Toby’s, Dwight proves they can.

Michael Scott Inspirational Quotes

9. "Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown."

When Ed Truck, Michael’s old manager, dies tragically, Michael is appalled at the lack of grief in the office. In one of the more thematically existential episodes of the series, Michael subtly grieves that no one will care if he dies, so he attempts to elicit these emotions with grief counseling. All he gets is a few great movie synopses.

List of the Best Michael Scott Quotes

8. "You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three."

What happened to strike two? Apparently it does not exist. When it comes to betrayal, Michael has a very low tolerance. In a very Shakesperian tale of loyalty, Michael and Dwight clash on all fronts in the memorable season 3 episode “Traveling Salesman.”

Funniest Michael Scott Love Quotes

7. "You cheated on me?....When I specifically asked you not to?"

When Michael finds that Jan became pregnant during their relationship, he assumes Jan cheated. To his relief, it was an artificial insemination. This does not, however, stop Michael from involving himself in the pregnancy and inevitably getting invited by Jan to a lamaze class.

Top Michael Scott Quotes

6.  “I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

When Michael hits Meredith with his car and Angela’s cat dies, he defers responsibility for his actions to the fact that the office is cursed. Don’t believe it is? Maybe it’s because you’re not at all stitious. To his relief, hitting Meredith with his car actually saves her from suffering from rabies. So it would not be incorrect to say that Michael saved Meredith by hitting her with his car. Classic.

Funny Michael Scott Quotes

5. "Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way."

If only we knew how often Michael starts a sentence this way. When David Wallace asks him how he runs his office so effectively, Michael searches for the answer mid-sentence. The great thing about this quote is that it can be painfully relatable to quite a few people.

The Office Michael Scott Quotes List

4. "I am Beyoncé, always."

After Michael finds that he is the mistress in a love triangle, Andy tries to convince Michael to do the right thing by referencing the movie Obsessed. Firstly, the analogy doesn’t work for Michael. What did Andy get wrong? It doesn’t matter what the context is, Michael is always the queen.

Best Michael Scott Quotes to Burn Toby

3. "I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him."

When Michael fails to realize that Toby has come back from Costa Rica to work in the office again, he pleads to David Wallace for Toby’s removal. Wallace clarifies that he needs reasonable cause to fire him. To Michael, hate is the only cause he needs. To no one’s surprise, but Michael’s, this isn’t a reasonable cause. What is the only next reasonable step? Framing Toby.

Best of Michael Scott’s Quotes from The Office

2. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

The complexities of Michael Scott can be boiled down to this one quote. People may like Michael, but he will not rest until they love him so much that it scares them. Unfortunately, his actions usually only cause the fear part. Needless to say, a lot of his actions make sense when you trace them back to this quote.

All Time Best Michael Scott Quotes

1. “That’s what she said.”

The undisputable best Michael Scott quote of all time cannot be pinned to one scene. You’ve heard it on the show, from your friends, and maybe even your family. Not even corporate, Jan, or lawyers could keep Michael from blurting out his favorite line. Here is a supercut of every “That’s what she said” in The Office, each one classic, yet all it’s own.